Marriage – Balance and Understanding


Soon after 1 month or so I was carving for time at my end, people at my end all said the same thing to me, that once you get married then we will ask you about it. Your life won’t remains yours at all. I always used to say let’s see it when time comes.

And so it happened, when I got married and moved back to Jeddah while my wife was still in homeland for the visa process to finish.

So we were talking for hours and hours which was understandable, but slowly and gradually I was carving for time for myself.

It’s been 6 years I have moved to Saudi Arabia, and I have been living independently, so I have my own little world besides me.

I have my own rigorous schedule that I love, I sleep early and wake up early and go out early in the morning for sea side walk, I get indulged in reading a book, or play xbox and alot more. No one to ask or bother me about anything. But after marriage things change and it goes not the way we wanted. Good or bad is a separate issue.

I thought for a while the reason for this, I realized that the main issue of argument between couple is because of this same reason. Wife say that when her husband comes back from office he should be all hers. And I agree to the women point of view, that after all they have been in home throughout the morning and they need company.

P.S: I am talking from the eastern culture point of view, where wife usually stays in home!!!

I said to myself what is the solution for this and what is the cause of this issue.

I led to this conclusion and talked with my wife about and she more or less agrees to it as well. It’s like that when wife thinks that men all their time in office and when they come back to home, all the time is theirs is wrong, since the amount of time spend in office is for both. No one can stay that this time which is spend is for one individual purpose.

After the office hours the hours needs to be calculated as to how much tentatively both of them have for together. Let’s suppose 5 or 6 or 4 hours whatever the case may be. This time either has to be spend together equally or a part of it has to be given in a ratio that husband gets some of the time for himself as well. Ofcourse he also needs some time for himself.

Our issue is that when husband comes home, they sit in front of television or internet, for wife and husband, the guy is resting instead he is tiring himself much more, and the result is after watching television he lies straight on the bed for 1 hour, after that dinner time, then after having diner no person on earth can have the energy left to go out or to talk for hours.

A simple formula would be that instead of watching television straight from office, spend either with wife or sleep or go to gym. Then spend the rest of the time with wife, in that way and by talking to wife about this partition of time, I personally think both will remain happy.

Do let me know, if you agree with this idea, as to whether it’s practical or not!!!

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4 Replies to “Marriage – Balance and Understanding”

  1. Hello !
    Renxkyoko Iglesias here ! How are you ? I hope all is well with you and your new bride !
    I’m sorry I’ve been remiss in reading blogs. I’ve been busy with work and school and other things, ha ha ha ! Don’t ask about the other things.
    Anyways….. I realize you are a religious person, and that’s very good, no matter what our religions are. We all need to believe in something other than the worldly and material things we face everyday.
    Now about the husband-wife relationship…. I guess it’s a bit difficult to compare Western relationships from Eastern ones. It’s like comparing apples and oranges, not in a bad way though because both are good. That said, what you watch in Hollywood movies does not really represent what’s going on in real time. ^-^ #

    Well, i guess you might have to research on that. lol as for me, I believe in 50-50 relationship, a give and take situation.

    Cheers and may you have a prosperous and happy 2012 !

    1. Hello back to you Renxkyoko

      No issue, about the other things, I know 😛 😀

      Me religious hehehehehe, no not that practicing as I should be, yes but I do try to mingle my daily life with religious guidance as much and as conveniently as possible.

      Well it’s not that difficult, specially in today’s world, you meet people who lives in your part of the world in the name of family, family friends, relatives, friends, social network friends and blah blah :)))) so you can perceive a pretty good idea, as to how a family life in both side of the world.

      However, I have the pleasure to know both side of the world in detail, so can argue in depth, but I guess, we both be yawning after couple of minutes, perhaps some other time 🙂

      I am a Muslim in Islam this relationship has been clearly described, unfortunately, with the passage of time we Muslims don’t follow it. To name a few of things is:

      – A wife is not supposed to cook or take care of the house hold.
      – A wife is not responsible for taken care of the husband parents.
      – It’s the husband responsibility to take care of the house hold affairs.
      – It’s the husband responsibility to take care of kids.
      = It’s the husband responsibility to give pocket money to wife so that wife won’t feel ashamed to ask money for her personal use.

      There are many ruling in Islam relating to both the sides, unfortunately, we don’t practice in the way it should be.

      P.S: Don’t think the above are only for the benefits of wife 😛

      That’s why I try to take the middle ground, and try to follow and practice which is convenient, easy, simple and comfortable for both of us.

      Wish us luck 🙂

      Cheers to you as well, along with best wishes for new year from me and my wife side 🙂

      P.SS: I too was damm busy in office work, have year end financial closing to make, and it was quite painstaking 🙂

      Take care and stay best

      Keep in touch

      Shahzad

    1. InshaAllah Taalah, the main thing Faizan is not reading, the main thing is to take things one step at a time, I have got so many books, I have read so many things, but the end result is, how to apply the knowledge.

      What I did and InshaAllah Taalah doing with your bhabi is that we both are trying to practice small things together.

      Until and unless we don’t have firmness in it, we have said to each other we are not moving forward to the next lesson.

      I know it’s difficult but it’s the best way to have a good happy life.

      Indeed when one gets married, his faith becomes complete, and I ponder it is, and so it’s requisites alongwith it.

      JazakAllah for sharing good information towards us 🙂

      Love you loads

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